1. March

Ok. Well, I had my first hit. Alone and totally unexpected. It was a spontaneous thing really. A possible witness, who needed to be silenced, on the day.  Mister N. said that guy would never expect a girl to come to his door to take him out, so he wouldn’t be alarmed. Suddenly, my moment had come. Perhaps too soon, but this is what I signed up for after all. I wasn’t nervous about killing a person. I was afraid about messing up and getting caught. I was really afraid. Little Paul picked me up at 4 this morning. Way too early, but I was wide awake, obviously. I was told to wear a skirt and pumps to look like an ordinary woman. I also wore a short blond wig, just in case. And a hoody of course - what a peculiar working outfit. Anyway we drove far out of the city to the target’s bungalow. Paul parked across the street and according to our infos, the guy was alone and would leave the house around 6 am. He gave me a quick rundown of everything that he taught me about close ups before sending me out. 

Just before 6 am I walked over and into the garden, acting as casual as I could, waiting in the bushes there. The fat ole guy didn’t come out before halv past six and I was shaking from the cold and anxiety, really, but finally he opened the door and looked nervously around. You always have to be a 100 percent sure that it is the right person and that he is alone. I walked right up to him with a sweet “excuse me sir...”  and as he turned around to look at me I shot him twice in the chest. And once again to make sure I didn’t miss.  No sound. Not from me, not from him and definitely not from my pistol, as I have this really cool new silencer. He fell backwards back into the hall. And quickly I walked back to the car with my hoody drawn into my face. Paul drove off quietly yet swiftly and as we went around the corner I changed outfits. Paul gave me the phone to call the Gardener and like arranged, I just said “It’s done!” Gardener replied politely “Ah yes, very good. Take care”. And that was it. Yeah, and then I started panicking. “Paul, Paul, what if I messed up, what if we get caught???” But Paul was totally relaxed and said “hey calm down, you did fine. Well done Ruthless”. I didn’t for a second think about the target. All that mattered was that I didn’t mess it up. For myself or everyone. But Paul assured me that Mister N. and the Gardener would take care of everything.  Finally I was breathing in and breathing out. And then we went for breakfast. Paul ordered a brandy for me.

I relaxed a little bit and then it sank in. I did it. Wow! I knew I could do it! I couldn’t wait to see Jamie. I promised myself I would be totally cool and careless when I saw him. We drove back into town and I asked Paul to drop me off at Jamie’s. It still was early in the morning, so he would be home. He opened the door and wasn’t even dressed yet, mumbling something like ‘it’s a bit early for a visit’ but then he seemed to remember and asked eagerly “oh right, yes, how did it go??” I said “fine”... but then I couldn’t hold back my paranoia and bubbled on about getting caught... I mean, I finally pulled a trigger on someone... Jamie was so understanding, he even gave me a hug and wasn’t wearing a shirt yet, for a second I got so turned on. He fixed me a drink with whiskey and coffee, and said that if I always follow instructions, I can’t go wrong. Don’t think about it. Then he had a shower... while I was sitting in the living room, fantasizing. He drove me home because he had to do something, he said. I tried to sleep a bit. Late in the afternoon I went down to the office to see Mister N. I looked at him with expectation and said “well? All good?” He smiled “ah Ruthless” and he gave me an envelope. Then he went to make us coffee. So I quickly opened the envelope and OMG, there was a lot of cash! I blushed right there. Mister N. came back into the room and then he actually shook my hand and said “welcome to the business Ruthless”. This alone was worth everything.

The feeling of being above the law is just amazing. So as I’m sitting here now this evening in my living room, watching TV and eating good food, I’m waiting to feel some bad emotion, some form of regret or even guilt for what I did. I am officially a killer, I’m really am now a paid hit-woman. But I continue to feel nothing. Like I said, those people are doomed to die anyway. I’m just the tool. 

(c) - I am Ruthless